Koi Mil Gaya, Part 6

Rohit does some fancy wire-assisted dance moves and sings that he's breaking free. So then how does he plan on performing his fancy wire-assisted dance moves? He slips and falls on his ass. See, I knew he should have stuck with the wires. Nisha offers him her hand, then they dance around in the rain in front of a Sansui sign. Now Nisha's breaking free! And pointing! Rohit and Nisha do a marionette-like dance, then some badly-dubbed tapdancing, then jump in a puddle of mud. As they sing about how much fun they're having, they dance around a pole, but not like strippers. Next they dance around a tree, meet in front of the tree, do their supercool handshake, then erupt into hysterical laughter. I had no idea dancing in circles around tall objects could be so hilarious. Rohit fiddles around with his suspenders, then skips down the street with Nisha. While Rohit does some more fancy wire-dancing, Nisha does some similar but less fancy non-wire dancing behind him. I wonder if she wishes she'd downed a few Bacardi and Cokes at the club so she could defy the laws of physics via invisible wires like drunk-ass Rohit. Rohit does a backflip and falls on his ass again.

They head over to the Nescafe, where Rohit does a short but entertainingly spastic dance routine and then leaps on a chair, toppling it over. After Rohit sits down and does some chair-dancing, Nisha and Rohit impersonate tornadoes, then do a pee-pee dance. Nisha asks Rohit what makes him so innocent; Rohit hands her a flower and explains that it's because Nisha is so sweet. As they continue to rob the florist, Nisha asks Rohit what makes her so sweet. Rohit responds, "Why should I tell you?" Nisha has no further questions. As Rohit pushes Nisha down the street in the flower cart, Nisha tosses flowers into the air. The florist is going to be pissed tomorrow morning. Hopefully Rohit can smooth things over later with a wad of gum, a "SORRY ROHIT" note, several zany misunderstandings, and a heart-wrenching speech from his mother. The flower cart topples over, giving Nisha an opportunity to emerge adorably from the wreckage, flowers poking askew out of her hair. Aw, I guess all the floral robbery and destruction was worth it for that moment of super-cuteness.

As she sings again about breaking free, Nisha slides down the playground slide. For some reason the verse is punctuated with a whip-cracking sound effect. Is there some sort of bondage subtext that I'm missing here? Rohit does the marionette dance again, then falls on his face for a change. He asks Nisha what she's done to him, she laughs, then they lie down on some sort of retaining wall as the song fades out.

Johnny Lever stands outside his house and throws rocks through his windows. Sonia approaches and politely asks what the hell is wrong with him. Johnny Lever explains that he got used to the breeze and sunlight from the broken windows and felt suffocated after he fixed them, because Rohit was too busy getting drunk and tapdancing to re-break them. Sonia suggests that he open the windows instead of breaking them. Johnny Lever appears stunned at the simple brilliance of the idea, then rants nonsensically some more. Sonia shakes her head and gives him the "You are a total assclown" look. I'm glad Sonia is here to express facially what all of us are thinking.

Rohit hangs out by a lake with his friends, who ask him if Nisha is his girlfriend. The boys ask if she really gave him a cycle, took him to a club, and dropped him at home. One of the girls gets to the point and asks Rohit if she kissed him goodnight. Rohit says no, and the girl explains that they can only become boyfriend and girlfriend when they exchange kisses. I wonder if she learned that from Pretty Woman. The boys ask what Rohit should do; the girl says that according to her mother, men are idiots who never seem to understand that they should further their friendship before trying to get into the girlfriend-boyfriend thing. It sounds like her mother has had some bad experiences on the Kasauli dating scene. Maybe she went out with this guy. Bittu suggests that Rohit give Nisha a present, but Rohit points out that he only gets one rupee a day from his mom. The girl suggests that Rohit get Nisha a rose. Are roses really cheap, or does everyone in this town just steal from the florist whenever they feel like it?

Nisha's house. Nisha skips downstairs in a dress that looks like it was made out of some drapes by Julie Andrews. Her father reminds her about "the boy whose mind is like a child's" and shows her an article about people like him that he found online and printed out for her. According to the article, people like Rohit should be given love and sympathy. I wonder if Nisha's dad found the article in The New England Journal of Things That Ought to Be Completely Obvious to Any Rational Human Being. Nisha flips through the article as she glances outside, where she notices Rohit pacing behind the fence, holding a rose up in the air. She invites him over, and he gives her the rose. Nisha thanks him and kisses him on the cheek, embarrassing Rohit. He explains shyly that his friends told him that exchanging kisses means they are boyfriend and girlfriend. Nisha brightly tells him that yes, she's his girlfriend. Well, that was easy.

Nisha's father calls her inside, so she invites Rohit in to meet her parents. Rohit takes a seat, and Nisha asks him what he wants to drink. Rohit asks for Bournevita, then delivers a short speech about why everyone should drink Bournevita that serves no purpose except to indicate to Nisha's parents that Rohit is an innocent man-child of the type described in the NEJTTOBCOARHB article. Nisha's father gets a call from the District Magistrate and tells Nisha to save his page on the computer while he takes the call. Nisha sits down at the computer and punches in some commands that seem more involved than Ctrl-S, then offers to teach Rohit about computers. Excited, Rohit invites her over to his house to see the computer his father built. Nisha agrees, but unless she wants to play "Lemonade" or talk to aliens, I have a feeling she's going to be pretty disappointed with Rohit's computer setup.

Part 5 Part 7


Koi Mil Gaya, Part 5

As Nisha gets her hair blow-dried at a salon, having presumably paid top dollar for a specialized raita-removal treatment, she mutters angrily under her breath about what she’s going to do to Rohit when she gets a hold of him. I bet her hairdresser must think she’s pretty loony, what with all the angry muttering and unnecessary hair appointments. Or maybe she’s used to high-maintenance 2-in-1 shampoo/conditioner models. Rohit scoots into town; he notices Nisha’s jeep and then spots her at the salon. After thinking for a moment, he tears out a sheet of paper from his notebook, writes “SORRY ROHIT,” and draws a smiley face below it. He tries to leave the note on the dashboard of the jeep, but it slides off, so he pulls out a wad of chewing gum and sticks it on the seat. Seconds before he can affix the note to the seat, Raj bursts out of nowhere and demands an explanation. Rohit explains that he was just saying sorry, but Raj’s friend points out the chewing gum on Nisha’s seat, a sure sign of tomfoolery and/or monkey business. At the salon, Nisha notices the commotion and rushes outside, explaining to Raj that Rohit is the boy who tricked her into driving him to the movies and then spilled food on her head. Raj informs her of Rohit’s latest and even more dastardly plan to put chewing gum in her hair. The camera cuts to a dramatic close-up shot of the gum, punctuated by a burst of Psycho-style threatening incidental music. Incensed, Nisha demands that they take Rohit to the police, but Raj’s friend, probably wary of a fruitless courtroom battle to convict Rohit of “Assault With Some Gum,” suggests that they let him go. Raj glares at Rohit, makes a kissing noise, and tells him to leave. Rohit pauses for a moment, probably wondering what’s up with the air-kiss, then begins to walk away.

Nisha shrilly asks Raj why he’s letting Rohit go. Perhaps Raj feels that Nisha is a grown woman and is capable of resolving her own disagreements in a calm and reasonable manner. Or maybe he’s planning to trap Rohit in the middle of a ring of rapidly-circling dirtbikes and beat him up. It turns out to be the latter explanation. As the dirtbikers encircle Rohit, they run over his apology note and then shove him around. Schoolbooks hit the ground. Rohit shouts that he was only trying to say sorry, then gets clocked in the back of the head by a dirtbiker before he can explain that he was simply using the gum as a makeshift adhesive. Rohit’s friend Bittu pulls up on his scooter, sees Rohit lying on the ground in the center of the dirtbike circle, then takes off on his scooter again, looking determined. Meanwhile, the bikers run over Rohit’s scooter, smashing it to pieces, as Rohit looks on tearfully. After the crowd has dispersed, Bittu finally finds Sonia. He brings her outside and points out Rohit, still sitting on the ground, clutching the remains of his scooter. Fortunately, none of the pieces seem bent, broken, or even dirty, so maybe the scooter can be repaired. As Sonia and Bittu approach a crying, humiliated Rohit, Sonia notices the scrap of notebook paper on the ground.

Meanwhile, at an outdoor café sponsored by Nescafe (Cha-ching!), Raj and Nisha flirt with each other. As they and their band of ruffians gloat over Rohit’s humiliation, Nisha says in a loud and clearly-enunciated voice that Rohit deserves his punishment. Suddenly, Sonia pipes up from several yards behind her, “No, he deserves to be amongst you!” After delivering a heartfelt speech about how Rohit is an innocent man-child, she holds up the crumpled note and explains that Rohit was just trying to apologize for his actions. She says that she doesn’t blame Nisha for her behavior because she’s new in town, but scolds Raj, who used to be Rohit’s classmate and should know better than to encircle him with dirtbikes and trash his scooter. I can understand why everyone else in the café would want to eavesdrop on Sonia’s dramatic monologue, but you would think they would at least attempt to look preoccupied, rather than standing stock-still and staring raptly at her for the entirety of the speech. That just seems kind of rude. Sonia explains that while Raj grew up and progressed through school like a normal kid, Rohit was left behind. She declares that she doesn’t regret Rohit’s condition, because if being normal means being a total assclown like Raj, then she’s glad that Rohit is abnormal. She doesn’t actually use the term “total assclown,” but it's there in the withering “You are a total assclown” stare she shoots Raj. She tosses the note on the floor and storms away. Chastened, Nisha stares at the note, focusing in on a tight close-up shot of it in order to wring every last drop of pathos out of its crumpled, childlike innocence.

Later, at Rohit’s school, Nisha hides behind a pillar and observes Rohit hanging with the 7th standard-ers. As she watches, Rohit enters a classroom, and the instructor asks him what he’s doing in the computer class. Another kid tells the instructor that Rohit is taking the computer class as one of his electives, but the instructor yells at the kid to shut up and take a seat. Seriously, who does that kid think he is, the registrar? Rohit explains that he wants to learn about computers, but the instructor tells him that you need brains to study computers. But apparently not open-mindedness or tact. Rohit says that he wants to emulate his dead father the supercomputer genius, but the instructor is unmoved by all the chitchat about dead parents, and tells him to get out. As Nisha stares, Rohit slowly leaves the classroom; she opens her mouth to call after him, but instead watches him walk dejectedly outside, where he contemplates Spectacular View of the Hills #7. As Rohit gazes at the sky, a choral version of “The Om Song” plays, serving as a helpful reminder of all the freaky shit that happened at the beginning of the movie. It’s nice to know they’re not planning to abandon that whole subplot about the aliens.

When Rohit arrives home, he notices a new red bike in front of his house. He exclaims “Avon cycle!” rings the bell, which makes a pleasant “Cha-ching!” sound, and calls his mother. He asks if the bike is for him, thanks her for it, and reiterates that it is an Avon cycle. (Cha-ching.) Sonia tells him to thank Nisha, because she’s the one who brought it for him. Nisha emerges smiling from behind the doorway. Rohit glares angrily at Nisha and tells her he doesn’t want the bike, then rushes inside. Nisha follows him to the back of the house and tries to explain herself. She apologizes and tells him that Raj, Monty, and the others will apologize, too, and will never bother him again. Who the hell is Monty? Rohit asks Nisha what will happen if the boys do bother him, and she tells him that she and Rohit will beat them up together, because now they are friends! As appears to be the fashion among Indian movie youths, they seal their friendship with a supercool handshake.

Later at the disco, Raj shakes Rohit’s hand and apologizes. The other ruffians also apologize, while the girls just say, “Hi!” because they took no part in the dirtbike-facilitated bullying. Then Nisha and Raj excuse themselves to the dance floor, where Nisha shimmies around in her nightgown while Raj dances dorkily with lots of deep knee bends. A girl with a spangly top and big glasses asks Rohit to dance, but Rohit tells her he doesn’t know how to. She says that he just has to hold her body closely and sway, then she holds his body closely and sways. Rohit backs away nervously and tells her he’s not interested. She notices that he’s sweating and tells him to have a Coke (Cha-ching!). One of the ruffians (is it Monty?) orders a Coke (I think I'm going to stop Cha-chinging soon) and pours a clear substance into it. The girl gives it to Rohit and assures him that it will help get rid of his fear and make him stop sweating. She forcibly pours some down his throat, but he pushes it away and tells her it tastes nasty. From the dance floor, Nisha notices the commotion and appears concerned. As the pushy girl pours more of the drink down Rohit’s throat, Nisha marches over, smells the drink, and scolds her for giving Rohit liquor. Oh, so it's liquor. The guy who might be Monty gets in a plug for Bacardi ($$$!) and tells Nisha that Rohit’s not a kid anymore, and that it won’t hurt him. Nisha lectures them some more and says she’s leaving with Rohit. She turns around, but Rohit has already gone.

She goes outside, where Rohit is stumbling around town, already plastered from his swig of Bacardi (How about some “Cha-ching!” for me, Bacardi?) and Coke (Seriously, do you know how much graduate students make?). [Oddly enough, Bacardi is in the Microsoft Word dictionary. So is Budweiser, but Absolut gets the red squiggly line. I guess Microsoft is getting in on the “Cha-ching!” action, too. However, “Cha-ching!” does not appear to be in their dictionary.]

It starts to rain. As a vaguely Chilean-sounding flute theme starts up, Rohit jumps around in the rain. He notices Nisha, waves hello, and beckons for her to join him. Song!

Part 4 Part 6


Koi Mil Gaya, Part 4

Cut to a close-up shot of the interior of a jeep. Perched atop the seat/dashboard is a pair of platform-sandal-clad legs. The camera pans up the legs to reveal a yellow-miniskirted ass, then further up to the back of a woman’s head, which is admiring Spectacular View of the Hills #5. The woman calls out “HELLO!” across the hills. As her “HELLO!” echoes across the landscape, the woman spins around, tossing her hair, shampoo-model style. It’s Preity Zinta! Then, facing Spectacular View of the Hills #6, she spins around shampoo-model style again. Maybe it’s a 2-in-1 shampoo/conditioner. Then she hops back in her jeep and zooms around the hills.

Meanwhile, in town, Rohit and his friends hang out. The Sikh kid expresses his excitement about the three-and-a-half-hour movie that they will be viewing shortly. A bus arrives, then starts to pull away two seconds later. The kids chase frantically behind it, then give up, looking pissed as the bus drives off without them. In case we couldn’t piece together the complex events of the last ten seconds, the Sikh kid explains that they have missed the bus and will therefore miss the movie. Just then, Preity Zinta pulls up in her jeep, looking confused. She tells Rohit that she’s new in town, and asks him where Shanti Villa is. Rohit points in one direction, but the kids tell him to point in the opposite direction so they can hitch a ride to the movie.

Everyone hops in the jeep, and Preity introduces herself as Nisha. As they drive, she asks Rohit what people do in town at night, and Rohit says, “Sleep.” She asks if there are any discos, and Rohit explains that there are, but that children aren’t allowed. Like me, Nisha seems slightly confused about the fact that Rohit is clearly in his 20s but is seemingly unaware of his own age. When they reach the movie theater, the kids and Rohit reveal their devious plan to go to the cinema, rather than Shanti Villa. As they abandon Nisha, Rohit and the kids tell her, “Thanks, Aunty!” Angry at his trickery and impudent use of the term “Aunty,” Nisha yells at Rohit, who makes fun of her waggly nose, then runs away. Nisha exclaims, “How dare you!” and smacks the dashboard indignantly. Hell hath no fury like a waggly nose scorned.

At home Rohit’s mother scolds him for tricking Nisha. She reminds Rohit of the Gita's message that God helps those who help others, and she tells him to apologize to the girl the next time he sees her. Rohit notices Sonia cleaning the PET supercomputer and asks her what it is. She explains that his father built it and used it to communicate with the beings in the stars. Surprised, Rohit asks her if there are really beings living in outer space, then opens a window and peers up at the sky. He says that he can’t see anything, but Sonia replies that there are things that exist that we can’t see. There are also things that exist that we can see, like PET supercomputers capable of communicating with aliens. You would think that Sonia would at least try to sell those kinds of things for vast amounts of money on Ebay, since she doesn’t seem the least bit curious about using them herself.

Rohit’s friends hide behind a tree outside Rohit’s shed. They whistle to get his attention, then whisper, “Party!” Cut to the Saxenas’ house, where the Saxenas and the Malhotras are laughing uproariously at the hilarious joke that Harbans has just made. I wonder if it was that Aristocrats joke that everyone's talking about. Raj wears a powder blue polyester suit that looks strikingly like the one my four-year-old brother wore to my aunt’s wedding in 1981. As Nisha and Raj flirt, a guy who looks like Lionel Ritchie plays a tune on the flute with his band. Lionel Ritchie’s band seems to specialize in the sort of carnival music that typically accompanies wacky hijinks. Meanwhile, Rohit and the kids peer mischievously over a wooden fence.

Raj introduces Nisha to his friends, one of whom is named Kimmy and is not his girlfriend, while the Sikh kid and another kid load up their plates with food and wisely ignore Johnny Lever. They pass the food under the table to Rohit, then return for a second helping. Rohit asks the Sikh kid, whose name is Bittu, for more food. Bittu sees Nisha coming and runs away. Nisha, who is wearing an ugly-ass stole that looks like it’s made from dozens of rabbit tails sewn together, tells Kimmy that she thinks they should just let the boys keep drinking. That will probably work out well; Raj doesn’t seem like he would be a mean drunk at all. Rohit calls again for Bittu, then sticks his arm out from under the table and grabs Nisha’s leg. Nisha looks under the table and sees Rohit, who stands up, surprised, bashing into the table and knocking a container of raita over onto Nisha’s head. Rohit runs away, still wearing the tablecloth, while Nisha shrieks and tries to wipe the raita out of her hair. I bet Harbans is glad he went with Lionel Ritchie and the Wacky Hijinks Band for his party music instead of something more formal.
Part 3 Part 5


Koi Mil Gaya, Part 3

A group of guys on dirtbikes approach a bridge. Meanwhile, Rohit and his scooter gang approach from the other side. Both groups appear to be ignoring the lane marker in the center of the road. I foresee a potential conflict! As the two gangs reach the bridge, each taking up the entire width of the road, the leader of the dirtbike gang raises his visor and gestures dismissively for Rohit to back off. After checking with his friends, Rohit shakes his head and stands his ground sheepishly. The dirtbike gang leader (who appears to have some kind of “Hello, my name is ____” sticker on his leather motorcycle jacket that I unfortunately can’t decipher) points out that Rohit is six feet tall and hanging out with a bunch of two foot tall kids. Tall people associating with the short? How can he allow such shenanigans to occur? He asks Rohit if he has no shame, then tells him to move. Rohit continues to stand his ground, so the dirtbike gang leader, Raj, removes his helmet and twirls it villainously. The Sikh kid next to Rohit, apparently uncowed by the sight of a villainously twirled helmet, tells Rohit that they need to give these dogs a shot, because they’re barking too much. Rohit replies, “Ah yes, the formula number.” The kid on Rohit's other side continues the string of incomprehensible banter by saying “-320.” Maybe they’re going to resolve this disagreement with some kind of math/veterinary competition.

Raj and company stride Reservoir Dogs-style over to Rohit and the scooter gang. When they draw close, Rohit and his friends pop wheelies, strategically hitting the dirtbikers in the crotch with their scooters. Oh, I see, it’s the dog-sedative-formula-number-negative-320-scooter-in-the-crotch strategy! Rohit scoots past Raj over the bridge and knocks over a few dirtbikes in the process. As the children beat up on a few of the dirtbikers, the remaining three chase after Rohit, who approaches a closed gate with a stop sign on it. Fortunately, his scooter has a retractable handle, allowing him to duck under the gate, which dirtbiker #1 smashes into. Dirtbikers #2 and #3 jump the gate and follow Rohit into town. I bet right now they’re pretty pissed that they bought dirtbikes lacking even the minimal acceleration power needed to overtake a push scooter.

Oh no, Rohit’s going to run into the pretty cart of flowers being pushed by a random townswoman! No wait, he just jumped over it. As Raj and his companion ride into town, a police jeep rolls into the path of the dirtbikes, blocking their access to Rohit. Rohit gloats and kisses his Razor scooter as Raj, now unable to beat up Rohit, decides instead to point at him really emphatically. Johnny Lever and a taller guy wearing matching olive green uniforms and blue berets get out of the jeep. Are they UN peacekeepers? I have no idea. The tall guy asks Raj where they’re going in such a hurry as Johnny Lever blurts out that they’re in a “No-Entry” zone. Raj explains that Rohit knocked their bikes down. The tall guy tells Johnny Lever, a.k.a. Sukhwani, to give Raj a ticket. Raj cockily tells the tall guy that perhaps he’s not aware of who he’s speaking to, but the tall guy interrupts, “I know you’re Raj, the District Magistrate Harbans Saxena’s son.” He tells Sukhwani to double the fine and to “have this news splashed in the local newspapers.” What paper wouldn't be excited to run a juicy story like “Harbans Saxena’s Son Raj Rides Dirtbike into No-Entry Area?” The tall UN peacekeeper tells Raj that when Inspector Khan is in charge, no one can take things for granted; not the District Magistrate’s son, or even the District Magistrate himself. Maybe Inspector Khan should just narrate the rest of the movie himself in his helpfully expository manner.

A house with yet another spectacular view of the hills. Outside, some guy named Colonel Malhotra greets the owner of the house, a man named Harbans. I assume that Harbans is District Magistrate Harbans Saxena, but I don’t want to take things for granted, in case Inspector Khan is still in charge. He might get mad at me for taking things for granted and then make the local newspaper publish a story about it. The Colonel and the (probable) Magistrate insult each other playfully, then explain to each other that they are good friends who have retired and decided to spend the rest of their days as neighbors. Given that they both ended up in the same town, I assume they must have had a similar conversation several months ago, but I guess it’s always good to make sure you’re on the same page. Harbans tells Colonel Malhotra and his wife that they’re going to have a party at their bungalow to celebrate. Then he asks them about their tiny little girl, and Colonel Malhotra’s wife explains that their tiny little girl is all grown up. Harbans appears surprised by this development, and his wife asks where the grown-up girl is now. I guess the last time they met, they were too busy making vague, unconfirmed retirement plans to ask about the kids, and whether they too had experienced the passage of time.
Part 2 Part 4


Koi Mil Gaya, Part 2

Sonia, staring out a window at a spectacular view of the hills, explains that after Sanjay died, she had no support in Canada, so she returned home with her young son, Rohit. A bearded man tells her that he now understands the whole case history, then examines some X-rays of Rohit’s brain. He says that a portion of Rohit’s brain was damaged in the car accident, and explains that “that’s why he doesn’t have a normal mental growth and is weak in studies.” The doctor tells Sonia that even though Rohit is eight, he has the brain of a 2-and-a-half-year old, and that even as an adult, Rohit’s mental abilities will be stunted. Sonia gravely asks if there’s any treatment, and the doctor says that surgery may be possible, but that the chances are very bleak, and the surgery could result in paralysis or death. Sonia tells him that she can’t risk losing Rohit, and vetoes the surgery.

Sonia goes home to ruminate and play “The Om Song” on her electronic keyboard. Eight-year-old Rohit, looking like a young Shah Rukh Khan, comes over and tries to repeat the tune. He smiles at his mother, who gives him a hug. Later, Rohit plays cricket with a bunch of kids and accidentally hits the ball through Johnny Lever’s window. Johnny Lever yells at him angrily, then shuts the window and leaves. Seconds later, another window pane breaks, so Johnny Lever returns to yell some more. He’s now wearing a blue beret and looking a bit grayer, but is still as hilarious as before. Which is to say, not hilarious at all. Rohit, who is now Hrithik-aged, turns around, flashes him a toothy smile, and apologizes, but Johnny Lever rushes outside to continue delivering his angry rant. Rohit tells him he’ll fix all the windows when he grows up, but Johnny Lever points out that he’s already pretty grown up. Rohit’s friends, a group of children who are all about 10 years old, defend him and tell Johnny Lever that they’ll get the windows replaced, as soon as he gives them 500 bucks. Johnny Lever spazzes out some more and then goes inside. Is this supposed to be a dramatic role, or is the comedy just so unfunny that it's undetectable?

First day of school. Sonia packs Rohit’s backpack while Rohit prays that he will do well in the seventh standard. He notices that his mother is putting his old sixth standard books in his backpack, so Sonia tells him nervously that he received failing grades and will not be going to the seventh standard. I know that some people frown upon social promotion, but Rohit's school district is definitely taking that philosophy to another level. Rohit grows upset and declares that he’s never going to school again, then storms away. Sonia assures him that if he studies hard, he will pass, but Rohit worries that the new students will tease him and call him a “tall stick.” Well, in that case, bullying shouldn’t be much of a problem; Rohit could open a dictionary at random and come up with a less lame insult than “tall stick.” Here, wait, let me try. Um, how about “nymphomaniac/nymphomane?” (I could only find a French-English dictionary.) Ok, maybe it's not the wittiest retort ever, but least it’s better than “tall stick.”

Sonia visits the principal to request a promotion for Rohit, but he tells her that Rohit should be at a special school. Sonia explains that there’s no such school nearby, and that she’s working on getting him transferred to a school in Delhi. She asks for just one year. The principal tells her that advancing Rohit a year won’t help him in any way, but Sonia, starting to cry, pleads that she knows that Rohit will never become what she or his father had hoped he would become, and requests that it be done, if only for the sake of Rohit’s happiness. The principal, swayed by the fact that Rekha just emoted the shit out of her monologue, finally relents.

Math class. The teacher asks the class an algebra question (for the algebra fans: if x=12 and y=8, what is x + 3y?). Rohit does some calculations, then raises his hand excitedly. The teacher asks Rohit to show him the answer, so Rohit gets up and hands him his notebook. The teacher praises him for getting the right answer and tells him that he should raise his hand more often. Is the teacher planning to tell the rest of the class the answer, or is it just going to be a secret between Rohit and himself?

After class, Rohit zooms around in the mountains on a Razor scooter with a bunch of kids. They stop at a bridge to admire some computer-generated birds. Song!

Rohit sings that the sight of birds awakens a desire. I wonder if Sonia has given him the talk about the CGI birds and the bees yet. Rohit and the kids cross the bridge and then balance single-file on a railroad track. One of the kids stumbles onto the tracks, so they decide to have a dance party in the middle of the railroad tracks for a couple minutes. Finally, they notice a train coming and run away before a Fried Green Tomatoes-type incident can occur.

A schoolgirl with an unusually disembodied singing voice points to the summit of a nearby mountain and asks Rohit how they will fly so high without any wings. Well, they could smoke some crack. Instead, they flap their arms like birds, then skip around in a circle. They huddle together to make some kind of pledge, but the subtitles cut out, so I have no idea what they’re pledging. Hopefully they’re pledging to say no to drugs, and say yes to manic bird-like flapping gestures.

Suddenly, everyone's in their play clothes, having a tug-of-war match. Rohit competes against everyone else, as Sonia watches from the sidelines. The kids let go, and Rohit falls to the ground. Rohit looks angry for a second, but his mother smiles reassuringly, so he gets up and sings that a day will surely come when everyone will want to shake hands with him. Well, that’s kind of a boring goal. All he needs for that dream to come true is some really good hand moisturizer. Oh wait, I think he’s talking about his extra thumb. I guess some people might be a little weirded out by that, even if his skin is really supple. The kids line up to shake hands with Rohit, then Sonia kisses his hand, so we get a nice close-up. Thumbtastic!

Sonia sings to Rohit that happiness will embrace him. She predicts that his life will change one day, when the skies bow at his feet, and there is no one else like him around. It kind of sounds like she’s talking about the apocalypse. Rohit blindfolds his mother, then they play a game with the other kids that looks like “Marco Polo” on land. I don’t know the name of the game, so I’m just going to call it “Lewis and Clark.” Sonia chases after the kids and finally catches a little girl. She takes off her blindfold and sees that everyone else has abandoned her on their scooters, leaving Sonia stuck with the two girls who apparently missed out on the Razor scooter craze of 2003. I would have liked to have seen Rekha on a Razor scooter; I bet she could make even scootering look classy. End of song.

Part 1 Part 3