Koi Mil Gaya, Part 2

Sonia, staring out a window at a spectacular view of the hills, explains that after Sanjay died, she had no support in Canada, so she returned home with her young son, Rohit. A bearded man tells her that he now understands the whole case history, then examines some X-rays of Rohit’s brain. He says that a portion of Rohit’s brain was damaged in the car accident, and explains that “that’s why he doesn’t have a normal mental growth and is weak in studies.” The doctor tells Sonia that even though Rohit is eight, he has the brain of a 2-and-a-half-year old, and that even as an adult, Rohit’s mental abilities will be stunted. Sonia gravely asks if there’s any treatment, and the doctor says that surgery may be possible, but that the chances are very bleak, and the surgery could result in paralysis or death. Sonia tells him that she can’t risk losing Rohit, and vetoes the surgery.

Sonia goes home to ruminate and play “The Om Song” on her electronic keyboard. Eight-year-old Rohit, looking like a young Shah Rukh Khan, comes over and tries to repeat the tune. He smiles at his mother, who gives him a hug. Later, Rohit plays cricket with a bunch of kids and accidentally hits the ball through Johnny Lever’s window. Johnny Lever yells at him angrily, then shuts the window and leaves. Seconds later, another window pane breaks, so Johnny Lever returns to yell some more. He’s now wearing a blue beret and looking a bit grayer, but is still as hilarious as before. Which is to say, not hilarious at all. Rohit, who is now Hrithik-aged, turns around, flashes him a toothy smile, and apologizes, but Johnny Lever rushes outside to continue delivering his angry rant. Rohit tells him he’ll fix all the windows when he grows up, but Johnny Lever points out that he’s already pretty grown up. Rohit’s friends, a group of children who are all about 10 years old, defend him and tell Johnny Lever that they’ll get the windows replaced, as soon as he gives them 500 bucks. Johnny Lever spazzes out some more and then goes inside. Is this supposed to be a dramatic role, or is the comedy just so unfunny that it's undetectable?

First day of school. Sonia packs Rohit’s backpack while Rohit prays that he will do well in the seventh standard. He notices that his mother is putting his old sixth standard books in his backpack, so Sonia tells him nervously that he received failing grades and will not be going to the seventh standard. I know that some people frown upon social promotion, but Rohit's school district is definitely taking that philosophy to another level. Rohit grows upset and declares that he’s never going to school again, then storms away. Sonia assures him that if he studies hard, he will pass, but Rohit worries that the new students will tease him and call him a “tall stick.” Well, in that case, bullying shouldn’t be much of a problem; Rohit could open a dictionary at random and come up with a less lame insult than “tall stick.” Here, wait, let me try. Um, how about “nymphomaniac/nymphomane?” (I could only find a French-English dictionary.) Ok, maybe it's not the wittiest retort ever, but least it’s better than “tall stick.”

Sonia visits the principal to request a promotion for Rohit, but he tells her that Rohit should be at a special school. Sonia explains that there’s no such school nearby, and that she’s working on getting him transferred to a school in Delhi. She asks for just one year. The principal tells her that advancing Rohit a year won’t help him in any way, but Sonia, starting to cry, pleads that she knows that Rohit will never become what she or his father had hoped he would become, and requests that it be done, if only for the sake of Rohit’s happiness. The principal, swayed by the fact that Rekha just emoted the shit out of her monologue, finally relents.

Math class. The teacher asks the class an algebra question (for the algebra fans: if x=12 and y=8, what is x + 3y?). Rohit does some calculations, then raises his hand excitedly. The teacher asks Rohit to show him the answer, so Rohit gets up and hands him his notebook. The teacher praises him for getting the right answer and tells him that he should raise his hand more often. Is the teacher planning to tell the rest of the class the answer, or is it just going to be a secret between Rohit and himself?

After class, Rohit zooms around in the mountains on a Razor scooter with a bunch of kids. They stop at a bridge to admire some computer-generated birds. Song!

Rohit sings that the sight of birds awakens a desire. I wonder if Sonia has given him the talk about the CGI birds and the bees yet. Rohit and the kids cross the bridge and then balance single-file on a railroad track. One of the kids stumbles onto the tracks, so they decide to have a dance party in the middle of the railroad tracks for a couple minutes. Finally, they notice a train coming and run away before a Fried Green Tomatoes-type incident can occur.

A schoolgirl with an unusually disembodied singing voice points to the summit of a nearby mountain and asks Rohit how they will fly so high without any wings. Well, they could smoke some crack. Instead, they flap their arms like birds, then skip around in a circle. They huddle together to make some kind of pledge, but the subtitles cut out, so I have no idea what they’re pledging. Hopefully they’re pledging to say no to drugs, and say yes to manic bird-like flapping gestures.

Suddenly, everyone's in their play clothes, having a tug-of-war match. Rohit competes against everyone else, as Sonia watches from the sidelines. The kids let go, and Rohit falls to the ground. Rohit looks angry for a second, but his mother smiles reassuringly, so he gets up and sings that a day will surely come when everyone will want to shake hands with him. Well, that’s kind of a boring goal. All he needs for that dream to come true is some really good hand moisturizer. Oh wait, I think he’s talking about his extra thumb. I guess some people might be a little weirded out by that, even if his skin is really supple. The kids line up to shake hands with Rohit, then Sonia kisses his hand, so we get a nice close-up. Thumbtastic!

Sonia sings to Rohit that happiness will embrace him. She predicts that his life will change one day, when the skies bow at his feet, and there is no one else like him around. It kind of sounds like she’s talking about the apocalypse. Rohit blindfolds his mother, then they play a game with the other kids that looks like “Marco Polo” on land. I don’t know the name of the game, so I’m just going to call it “Lewis and Clark.” Sonia chases after the kids and finally catches a little girl. She takes off her blindfold and sees that everyone else has abandoned her on their scooters, leaving Sonia stuck with the two girls who apparently missed out on the Razor scooter craze of 2003. I would have liked to have seen Rekha on a Razor scooter; I bet she could make even scootering look classy. End of song.

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