9.13.2005

Koi Mil Gaya, Part 4

Cut to a close-up shot of the interior of a jeep. Perched atop the seat/dashboard is a pair of platform-sandal-clad legs. The camera pans up the legs to reveal a yellow-miniskirted ass, then further up to the back of a woman’s head, which is admiring Spectacular View of the Hills #5. The woman calls out “HELLO!” across the hills. As her “HELLO!” echoes across the landscape, the woman spins around, tossing her hair, shampoo-model style. It’s Preity Zinta! Then, facing Spectacular View of the Hills #6, she spins around shampoo-model style again. Maybe it’s a 2-in-1 shampoo/conditioner. Then she hops back in her jeep and zooms around the hills.

Meanwhile, in town, Rohit and his friends hang out. The Sikh kid expresses his excitement about the three-and-a-half-hour movie that they will be viewing shortly. A bus arrives, then starts to pull away two seconds later. The kids chase frantically behind it, then give up, looking pissed as the bus drives off without them. In case we couldn’t piece together the complex events of the last ten seconds, the Sikh kid explains that they have missed the bus and will therefore miss the movie. Just then, Preity Zinta pulls up in her jeep, looking confused. She tells Rohit that she’s new in town, and asks him where Shanti Villa is. Rohit points in one direction, but the kids tell him to point in the opposite direction so they can hitch a ride to the movie.

Everyone hops in the jeep, and Preity introduces herself as Nisha. As they drive, she asks Rohit what people do in town at night, and Rohit says, “Sleep.” She asks if there are any discos, and Rohit explains that there are, but that children aren’t allowed. Like me, Nisha seems slightly confused about the fact that Rohit is clearly in his 20s but is seemingly unaware of his own age. When they reach the movie theater, the kids and Rohit reveal their devious plan to go to the cinema, rather than Shanti Villa. As they abandon Nisha, Rohit and the kids tell her, “Thanks, Aunty!” Angry at his trickery and impudent use of the term “Aunty,” Nisha yells at Rohit, who makes fun of her waggly nose, then runs away. Nisha exclaims, “How dare you!” and smacks the dashboard indignantly. Hell hath no fury like a waggly nose scorned.

At home Rohit’s mother scolds him for tricking Nisha. She reminds Rohit of the Gita's message that God helps those who help others, and she tells him to apologize to the girl the next time he sees her. Rohit notices Sonia cleaning the PET supercomputer and asks her what it is. She explains that his father built it and used it to communicate with the beings in the stars. Surprised, Rohit asks her if there are really beings living in outer space, then opens a window and peers up at the sky. He says that he can’t see anything, but Sonia replies that there are things that exist that we can’t see. There are also things that exist that we can see, like PET supercomputers capable of communicating with aliens. You would think that Sonia would at least try to sell those kinds of things for vast amounts of money on Ebay, since she doesn’t seem the least bit curious about using them herself.

Rohit’s friends hide behind a tree outside Rohit’s shed. They whistle to get his attention, then whisper, “Party!” Cut to the Saxenas’ house, where the Saxenas and the Malhotras are laughing uproariously at the hilarious joke that Harbans has just made. I wonder if it was that Aristocrats joke that everyone's talking about. Raj wears a powder blue polyester suit that looks strikingly like the one my four-year-old brother wore to my aunt’s wedding in 1981. As Nisha and Raj flirt, a guy who looks like Lionel Ritchie plays a tune on the flute with his band. Lionel Ritchie’s band seems to specialize in the sort of carnival music that typically accompanies wacky hijinks. Meanwhile, Rohit and the kids peer mischievously over a wooden fence.

Raj introduces Nisha to his friends, one of whom is named Kimmy and is not his girlfriend, while the Sikh kid and another kid load up their plates with food and wisely ignore Johnny Lever. They pass the food under the table to Rohit, then return for a second helping. Rohit asks the Sikh kid, whose name is Bittu, for more food. Bittu sees Nisha coming and runs away. Nisha, who is wearing an ugly-ass stole that looks like it’s made from dozens of rabbit tails sewn together, tells Kimmy that she thinks they should just let the boys keep drinking. That will probably work out well; Raj doesn’t seem like he would be a mean drunk at all. Rohit calls again for Bittu, then sticks his arm out from under the table and grabs Nisha’s leg. Nisha looks under the table and sees Rohit, who stands up, surprised, bashing into the table and knocking a container of raita over onto Nisha’s head. Rohit runs away, still wearing the tablecloth, while Nisha shrieks and tries to wipe the raita out of her hair. I bet Harbans is glad he went with Lionel Ritchie and the Wacky Hijinks Band for his party music instead of something more formal.
Part 3 Part 5

5 Comments:

At 9/13/2005 7:13 PM, Blogger Beth said...

Man, I wrote you a genius comment before but my browser crashed. Anyhoo:
Forget PET supercomputers capable of communicating with aliens - I want a PET supercomputer capable of communicating with Akshaye Khanna, or better yet transporting me to his film set so I can be a stalker-y (yet talentless!) costume designer, backup dancer, or similar. I mean, if his movie set needed a museum educator, I would so be there, but nobody ever seems to need those, so I'll just do what I can.

 
At 9/14/2005 7:51 PM, Anonymous ads said...

I think what you should do is write a kickass screenplay about a beautiful museum educator who falls in love with one of her colleagues, played by the dashing Akshaye Khanna. Then even if you don't succeed in getting the role of the museum educator due to your principled refusal to play ball with the mafia financiers and casting couch greaseballs, you can at least work as a consultant on the film. I guess there is always the risk that instead of hiring Akshaye Khanna for the role he was clearly born to play, the producers will insist on hiring a non-fake pretend movie boyfriend for the role, like (GASP!) Johnny Lever. So maybe inventing the PET supercomputer is the better option.

 
At 9/14/2005 9:23 PM, Blogger Beth said...

Why didn't I think of that? You are a genius! What movie shall we pitch for you to be in?

 
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