Kal Ho Naa Ho, Part 25

Aman’s eyes open slowly. He looks around as his mother tells him that everyone has come to meet him. He’s in the hospital. Oh, Aman, couldn’t you have said no to the dandia, just this once? Everyone (Jennifer, Gia, Shiv, Dadi, Chadda, Jazz, Sweetu, Rohit, and Naina) looks at Aman sadly. Actually, Naina avoids eye contact, but a single tear falls picturesquely from her eye. Aman waves hi to Gia, who gives him a flower. He asks her to marry him, but Gia shakes her head no. Aman looks at her so pathetically that she eventually nods her assent. Jennifer tells Gia that they’ll come back tomorrow. But what if tomorrow never ho naa hos? Or something. Jennifer strokes Aman’s face and does the bosom for a pillow thing, then takes off with Shiv and Gia. Dadi, Jazz, and Sweetu sob and wish him goodnight, then exit with Chadda, leaving Rohit and Naina. They gaze at each other meaningfully as Naina tries to hold back her tears. Rohit places a hand on her shoulder, then Naina walks away from him to sit on the bed. She draws closer to Aman, looking as though she wants to make out with him, but Aman shakes his head, trying to alert her to the inappropriateness of making out with him right in front of her new husband. Aman tells Naina that she’s gained weight. That’s always a good way to get a woman to not want to make out with you. Naina smiles for a moment, then stares at him tearfully. Suddenly she gasps and runs out of the room, collapsing into sobs in the hallway.

And then there were two little Indians. Rohit sits on the bed and asks Aman how he’s feeling. Aman says gently but sarcastically that he’s feeling fantastic. Embarrassed, Rohit smiles and apologizes. Aman tells Rohit that Naina is his in this life, but that she will belong to Aman in every life after this. So apparently in Naina’s future incarnations, repressive patriarchial concepts of ownership will still be around. Rohit shakes his head, but Aman tells him to promise that Naina will be his. Rohit eventually offers his promise, but then reveals his crossed fingers. Aman snickers and calls him a dog, but Rohit uncrosses his fingers and promises again. I wonder in what lifetime Aman and Rohit will get together. Aman tells him that he wants to sleep, but asks Rohit to wake him up before he leaves. They shake hands, then Aman turns away and closes his eyes. Rohit gets scared and asks, “Aman?” Aman opens his eyes and tells him that he’s not dying just yet. Rohit sniffles and then laughs. As Rohit lets go of Aman’s hand, Naina peeks through the window sadly.

Voiceover Naina turns into real life Naina, because it’s now “0 years later.” I think the aspect ratio on the DVD is a bit off. Maybe it’s 20 years later? Naina explains that Aman went away, leaving them all behind, and became a memory. She tells grown-up Gia that Aman was both her and Gia’s first love, and that she can never forget him. Though apparently Gia has, if Naina feels the need to explain all this to her. Naina says that Aman taught her how to love life, love herself, and love Rohit. I wonder if he also suggested the idea of a loving threesome with Gita or the What Not to Wear lady. Rohit walks up behind Naina and emphasizes that “they” can never forget Aman. Fashions don’t seem to have changed much 0 years into the future. Rohit gives Naina a hug, then some teenager who I would never have pegged as Indian calls Naina “Mom” and asks if they can go inside because it’s getting cold. As they follow their caucasian daughter Ria inside, Rohit says that he hasn’t told Naina lately that he loves her. I wonder if Naina has ever told Rohit that she loves him, other than that fake time at the restaurant. Voiceover Naina explains that every girl dreams of finding a good friend in her husband, but that she was lucky to find her husband in her best friend. As they walk through the snow-dusted grounds of their Conneticut estate, Ria and Gia play with a black and white dog, perhaps the love child of Laila and the German Shepherd. Voiceover Naina tells us that her name is Naina Catherine Kapur Patel, and that this was her story. But now it’s over!

Part 24 Home

Kal Ho Naa Ho, Part 24

Aman’s mother tells Aman that they should call Priya, but he says that there’s no need to bother her, and that it’s her wedding anniversary today. The doctor tells them that they’ve already paged Priya. Cut to Priya, glancing at her pager, which is taken away from her by some guy who looks like Kevin Pollak. Kevin Pollak reminds her of her promise that there would be no pages or calls today, but Priya protests that it could be an emergency. Someone could be in urgent need of a pointless stroll around New York City! As they walk around the expensive necklace store, Kevin Pollak tells her that they will find another doctor, and Priya relents and tells him that she’s going to spend all his money today. Do you think Kevin Pollak makes more money than a doctor? I haven’t seen him in anything since The Usual Suspects. They pass by Rohit and Naina, who bicker over whether or not to buy an expensive necklace. For someone who has apparently grown up in America, Rohit displays an odd affection for shirts that show off his man-cleavage. Is he afraid of buttons? Naina goes over to take a look at the necklace in a full-length mirror; she runs into Priya and tentatively introduces herself. Priya tells Naina and Rohit that it’s her anniversary, and that she’s going to spend all her husband’s money. Rohit and Naina assume that Aman is with her, but Priya says no, and calls over her husband. Kevin Pollak comes over. Rohit and Naina look surprised, and ask if Priya has remarried. Priya and Kevin laugh off their confusion, and Kevin, whose name is Abhay, explains that they met through Aman, back when he was full of life and not pathetic and dying. Rohit and Naina exchange surprised glances as Abhay tells them that it’s good that they’re there for Aman during his last days of dandia-induced heart failure.

Rohit and Naina look at each other with shock and fear, then Naina wanders through the store, having flashbacks to the moments when Aman told her “Kal ho naa ho,” lied about Priya, and pretend-read from Rohit’s diary. At least Naina’s flashbacks create a coherent narrative of Aman’s love and deception. Naina bursts into sobs as Rohit comforts her. They look at each other earnestly, then Naina says something to him that can’t be heard over the plaintive string music and tinkling piano. Rohit nods. I think he's wearing lipstick.

Priya frantically calls Aman, who sighs, because the jig is up. Aman gets up and puts on his sweater as his mother asks him what he’s doing. He rips out his IV and says that he has to go. Naina, Rohit, and Aman wander separately and dramatically around New York in slow motion. Aman tries to hail a cab, while Naina walks past Banana Republic, sobbing. Aman starts to run down the center lane divider of the street, then clutches a streetlamp and wheezes for a second, probably rethinking his decision not to take a cab, what with the barely functioning heart and everything. Rohit goes up to his roof, which seems to be his version of Naina’s crying picnic table by the bridge. I guess it’s convenient to have a designated location for your crying jags and pensive meditations, just in case anyone needs to find you and resolve some kind of dramatic conflict.

As Rohit gazes across the river, Aman stumbles out onto the roof, panting. Rohit looks at him and accuses him of lying, and says that Aman really does love Naina. He points out that Aman loves Naina and Naina loves Aman, and asks what he’s doing in this love story. Aman says that a love story needs two hearts, and that his won’t exist in a few months. Maybe it would help if he stayed away from the choreographed dance routines for a little while. Rohit says that he can’t compete with a memory, and Aman says that Rohit must not love Naina as much as he thought if he’s willing to give her up so easily. He starts off on a dramatic monologue about how Rohit has to stay with Naina, because it’s his dying wish. The monologue involves saying “Fuck!” a couple times and barking “Bas! Bas!” like a dog at the end. Aman walks away, and Rohit turns and asks him what he would do in his shoes. Aman says that he only wishes he was in Rohit’s shoes. He might want Rohit’s shirt, too; his is looking pretty skanky at the moment. Aman leaves, and the Tinkly Piano of Death begins to play as Rohit stares soulfully into the distance, his eyes filling with tears and catching the light in a way that makes them look kind of freaky.

Meanwhile, Naina hangs out at the crying picnic table terrace, where Aman lurches up to her, looking even shittier than when he met Rohit. At least the sweat stains on his sweater are starting to dry up, though. Naina wipes the invisible tears from her face and makes eye contact with Aman, who is crouching on the railing and panting. They approach each other, and Naina places her hand on Aman’s heart. She asks if it’s true that he loves her so much that he wants to leave love behind for her after he goes. Naina looks into his eyes and then grabs his sweater and asks him why he loves her so much. As she buries his head in her chest and he embraces her, he says, “I don’t love you. I don’t love you.” I think that must be Hindi for, “I love you. I love you.” (I’m pretty good at picking stuff like that up from the context clues.)

Song! The women gather around for the mehndi and sing about moons, forehead adornments, and how pretty Naina looks. As they do a “Hit the Road, Jack,” type thumb gesture, they tell Naina that she should take a good look at her dear relatives, because she’s never going to see them again. Gia looks pissed, which makes sense, given the insensitive song lyrics. The singers wish the bride happiness, which is of course the natural accompaniment to leaving your beloved relatives behind forever for no apparent reason. Shiv watches the dancing women, then Aman smacks him on the head. Aman dances into the room and flirts with Jazz, then gets freaky. Naina notices him and they catch each others’ eye. She looks sad, but points to her dimple. She seems to have a little bit of moustache action going on, but maybe that’s a shadow. Aman rolls his eyes and touches his dimple, then Naina’s expression deepens, as though she’s either growing more distraught or about to puke.

As the lights dim, highlighting only Naina and Aman, a new voice sings about how they are hiding their grief silently. Silently, but not particularly well, what with all the crying. As they look at each other tearfully, Aman kisses Naina’s cheek, then the lights come back on, so Aman walks away. Cut to Rohit, sitting in his giant empty hall, staring at his hand, probably wondering why they didn’t decide to go with a longer engagement. Back to Naina, looking intense and windswept. A single tear slides down her cheek. Another cut to Naina, wearing lots of fancy jewelry, as Gia tearfully touches one of her earrings.

The emotional tenor of the music shifts from “melancholy” to “full of dread.” Rohit waits in the garden, decked out in gold, as Naina’s family leads her sobbing toward the mandap. (It’s called a mandap, right?) Naina turns to see Aman standing next to her, looking nicely recovered from his heart attack. He and Jennifer walk Naina toward Rohit, who looks at her and Aman with an expression of “Oh, shit, what have I gotten myself into?” Meanwhile, Naina stares tearfully at Aman, seemingly oblivious to Rohit. Naina sits down next to Rohit, and Aman sits directly behind them. Rohit smiles reassuringly while Naina tries to contain her sobs. If nothing else, this day has certainly taught Rohit the true meaning of the word “awkward.” Meanwhile, Aman admires Naina and grows lost in thought.

Rohit and Naina circle the fire and then walk down the line of sobbing family members. Don’t cry, guys, Manhattan isn’t that far; Naina has even jogged there before! Rohit and Naina hug Aman, who sobs, then waves them away. Everyone leaves except Aman, who leans against the mandap and sobs some more. If I forgot to recap anything in the song, just assume that it involved lots of hysterical sobbing.

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