Kal Ho Naa Ho, Part 18

Montage of Rohit going out on a couple of awkward dates with Camilla, as the incidental music tells us a few more times about how she wants his money. Rohit and Camilla emerge disheveled and half-dressed from behind a couch. I think it would be nice if the incidental music people composed a little song about what Rohit wants out of this relationship. Rohit goes shopping to buy a necklace for Camilla, but finds out that it costs $20,000, so he decides to get her a dozen roses instead for $5. I wonder if Rohit does this sort of thing a lot. Like maybe he'll be planning a lavish vacation on the French Riviera, but then he'll just decide to go get some nachos instead. Rohit asks the florist for yellow roses and says that the red ones disturb him, being associated in his mind with feelings of love, rather than feelings of "hooking up behind the couch is fun.”

Rohit gets a call on his giant cell phone from Camilla, who is at the spa, but lies that she’s at the temple, because she has no redeeming qualities whatsoever. They make a date for 9 at Water’s Edge. At the restaurant, Rohit runs off to talk to a friend, while Camilla schemes with the waiter and hands him a ring. Meanwhile, Aman, wearing a sweatshirt with the hood up, skulks into Rohit’s apartment as Kantaben gasps. Is he trying to be sneaky with the hood up? Because the sweatshirt is bright chartreuse, so I don’t see how that helps. Aman asks Kantaben where Rohit is, but Kantaben says that she doesn’t know. As Aman starts snooping around, Kantaben tells him that Rohit’s with a girl, emphasizing the word “girl” to indicate that Rohit is back in the cupboard. (Metaphorically, not with the girl.) Kantaben won’t tell Aman where Rohit has gone, but he finds a note on the fridge that says “9 pm, Water’s Edge.” Kantaben begs him not to go after Rohit, but Aman says dramatically that he will die before he leaves Rohit, and then takes off after him quicker than you can say “Aaaaaaaaayyy, KANTABEN!”

Camilla finds a ring in her champagne glass and announces to the restaurant that she will marry Rohit. Rohit excuses himself to the bathroom so he can freak out in peace. Meanwhile, Camilla pays off the waiter and celebrates on the phone with her mother so openly that even a casual eavesdropper like Aman can figure out what's going on, despite not having been alerted to her intentions by the incidental music. In the bathroom Rohit splashes water on his face and tells himself that marriage will be great. He bumps into Aman, who tells him that Camilla only loves his money. She doesn't love the hooking up behind the couch? Rohit is insulted and says that that’s not true, so Aman advises him to tell Camilla that he’s not going to accept his father’s money, and is going to make his own way in the world. Rohit tells Aman that that’s sick and cheap, and that he will never say such a thing. Then he says it to Camilla, who disappears with one last chorus of “She wants your money!”

Rohit’s roof. Rohit covers his ears and sings that Aman is talking rubbish as Aman follows him, talking rubbish. Rohit turns toward the camera, recaps the love triangle situation, and explains that Aman is trying to convince him that he shouldn’t give up on Naina. So maybe Aman's the one who stencilled the words "STAY POSITIVE" onto Rohit's button-down shirt. And then apparently ran the shirt over several times with a bicycle. Aman says that Naina only thinks she’s in love with Aman because he’s a new entry to her life, and that she takes Rohit for granted because she's known him for so long. He tells Rohit to forget the dosti-wosti and show Naina some love. I mean love-wuv. They gaze off into the distance and list some of Naina’s nice qualities, which include her eyes, her fury, and her hair, which Aman likes up, but Rohit likes down. Rohit asks Aman what he should do now, and Aman says that he’s got a plan, the English title of which is “Six Days, a Girl in Your Face.” It’s no He’s Just Not That Into You, but maybe it sounds better in Hindi. The plan takes six days because Aman doesn’t work Sundays. Like God. Or an angel, maybe. I don’t know. Do angels work Sundays?

Aman and Rohit have a beer at Water’s Edge as the scheming waiter from before tells us that it’s Day One. Rohit explains that Naina waits for him here every day at 6 so they can walk to class together. Aman tells him not to meet her today and offers a convoluted explanation of his plan that involves saying the word “confused” a lot. I think the plan is to confuse the audience into thinking that the Six Day Girl in Your Face plan actually makes some kind of sense. Aman explains that the first step of the plan involves sticking a headphone in Rohit’s ear. Some sort of confusion ensues, followed by laughter. I’m just going to assume that the Hindi word for “ear” sounds like the word for “ass,” and that this is a putting stuff up your butt joke. Aman tells Rohit to listen to the headset and do whatever Aman tells him to do. As Rohit walks down the street, Aman tells him to loosen his tie and do a Stayin’ Alive-style disco walk. Rohit obeys, even though Naina is nowhere in sight and he looks like a doofus. Aman should tell Rohit to put his underwear on his head and do the Roger Rabbit. Once Rohit reaches the classroom, Aman instructs him to sit down next to Naina and ignore her when she asks him where he's been. Aman tells Rohit to glare at her, approves his angry glare even though he supposedly can’t see it, then tells Rohit to stick his finger in his nose.

Gita and some friends of hers walk into class and tell us that it’s Day Two. As Aman hangs out at the expensive necklace store, he advises Rohit on his headset to sit next to a sexy woman in class. Rohit sits next to Gita, so Aman tells him to flirt with her in front of Naina and say that it’s his birthday. The lady at the expensive necklace store overhears Aman say "It's my birthday," and wishes him a happy birthday. Aman and Rohit get pretend birthday kisses on the cheek, inappropriately hug the saleswoman and Gita respectively, then get smacked.

As he gets into a cab, Rohit tells us that it’s Day Three. Aman skateboards up unsteadily, wearing an ipod and generally being a cool dude; he tells an annoyed Rohit not to go to class today. Cut to Rohit’s apartment, where Aman does the moonwalk while Rohit complains that his plan is rubbish. Rohit says that he hasn’t talked to Naina in three days, and Aman points out that he hasn’t either. Rohit counters dramatic ironically that Aman isn’t the one in love with Naina. Aman advises a frustrated Rohit to ignore Naina’s calls, then the phone rings, and Rohit answers. He yells, “Naina, I love you, I love, you, I love you!” into the phone, but it’s for Aman. After he takes the call from his mother, Aman tells Rohit omnisciently that Naina will wake up, debate whether to call Rohit, put down the phone, curse Rohit twice, then decide to call after all. Meanwhile, Naina does these things exactly as predicted. Aman didn't predict that she would be wearing her FBI t-shirt, though. The phone rings, and Rohit gets up to answer it. Aman grabs him from behind and tries to prevent him from answering the phone by dry-humping him, while Rohit bends over and yells, "Give it to me! Give it to me!" Guess who shows up? Aaaaaayyyy, KANTABEN!

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