Kal Ho Naa Ho, Part 14

Montage. Dadi hangs out at Kunwari Kudi and says that there’s no such thing as love, only arranged marriage. Jazz wears a slinky dress and talks about jism. Guru says that love is pirated music. Frankie says that love is “to chill.” Aman says that he’ll tell us about love in a second, but right now he’s busy hanging out on a bridge.

Song! Separately, Naina and Rohit skip down the sidewalk, flinging their briefcases around and playing air guitar. Rohit leans on some guy reading the newspaper and sings to him about how he’s been feeling for the past few days. Naina sings that everything has changed, steals some guy’s frappuccino, and dances around a coffee shop. Quick montage of couples being lovey-dovey.

Naina walks down a busy sidewalk wearing a shower cap, then realizes that she’s wearing a shower cap, takes it off, and smiles giddily, because when you’re in love, even walking around like a jackass in a shower cap is awesome. In the bookstore, she sings and reads some chick-lit, but the bookstore lady tells her to shut up, so she buries her face in some Pablo Neruda poems and teleports onto a bus. I tried using some David Sedaris essays to teleport onto the subway, but that didn’t seem to work. Naina snaps her fingers and starts dancing around the bus as her fellow passengers smile and nod politely at the crazy lady.

Rohit sits on a precarious-looking balcony railing and sings about how swell he’s been feeling since his heart started melting, then gives himself a noogie. On the sidewalk, he sings that he’s happy and leans again on someone reading the paper. Hey, it’s that guy who was reading the paper before! And he’s moved on to the Arts section! Rohit pinches his cheeks and they do the do-si-do, then they give each other a big hug, because so much has happened between them.

Rohit and Naina ballroom dance with themselves, then Naina flails spastically in front of a Virgin Megastore, skips around on a bridge, throws some flowers in the air, then flails spastically some more. Montage of more happy couples, including two wiggling flowers that seem to be having flower sex. I wonder how the guy who was laying on the ground, wiggling two flowers together to simulate flower sex, was feeling about his career that day.

Rohit is at the salon, holding a chunk of brick that is getting a manicure. I rewound it several times, but I still have no idea what’s going on. He gets out of a cab and checks out his reflection in a mirror that dancing workmen are conveniently carrying into a nearby building. Rohit spins around in front of the mirror, because getting a random chunk of brick manicured apparently does wonders for one’s appearance and confidence. Frappuccino guy offers Naina the frappuccino, since she already stole it and everything. Wow, she’s got some gigantic sleeves. They look like those collars that people put on dogs when they're injured. Rohit and Naina dance with various members of New York’s service industry, then sing about getting high and surfing waves or something. They cross paths without seeing each other, and then they sing again that something has happened. But will they ever tell us what?

End of song. Aman gives a speech about how when you’re in love, everything changes, including your opinion about whether red looks nice. Meanwhile, Rohit picks out a red tie, while Naina admires a red dress, because something has happened to them. Aman says that when you’re in love, there is only one name on your lips. Rohit says, “Naina,” Naina says, “Aman,” and Aman says “Sweetu,” since Sweetu is sitting right in front of him. He says “Sweetu” a few more times and then asks her if she loves Frankie. Cut to Sweetu telling Naina, “I love Frankie,” to which Naina responds, “I love Aman,” because everything is all about her. Over the phone, Rohit tells Aman that he loves Naina, while Aman walks somewhere with Priya. Aman tells Rohit that he’ll meet him at his apartment, then ditches Priya even though they are on an important walk, trying to solve their serious problem. Sweetu advises Naina to tell Aman, while Aman advises Rohit to tell Naina, then punches him in the solar plexus. Naina wusses out and calls Rohit instead, maybe because she’s afraid of getting punched in the solar plexus by Aman. She arranges to meet Rohit at 5pm at a place called “Water’s Edge,” because they both have something to tell each other. Something that can only end badly. Rohit gives Aman a hug and repeatedly tells him that he loves him, just in time for Kantaben to walk in, gawk at the homoeroticism, and collapse unnoticed onto a gigantic couch. The incidental music sings, “Aaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyy, KANTABEN!”

Naina pulls up in a cab at Water’s Edge, wearing her red dress. As she arrives, Rohit, wearing his red tie, tells some violinists to start playing. Rohit and Naina compliment each other on their red clothing, then fidget awkwardly. Finally, Naina blurts out, “I love Aman!” Rohit smiles, frozen, as the violinists’ tune modulates into the minor key of unrequited love. Naina says excitedly that she knew he would be shocked by the news. Rohit tells her she has no idea how shocked, then takes the imaginary knife that Naina has plunged into his heart and twists it in a bit further. Naina says that she’s nervous, because she doesn’t know if Aman loves her. She’s definitely not great at picking up subtle signals of love, like, say, dates at romantic restaurants with violin serenades, champagne, and roses, so that’s not surprising. Naina asks Rohit if she should tell Aman about her feelings, and Rohit blurts out “No!” but then quickly amends it to “Go, go!” As Naina gets up eagerly to go talk to Aman, Rohit hands her the red roses and tells her to give them to Aman, because apart from macking on married women in the elevator, Rohit is a total sweetie. Naina tells Rohit that he’s cute and that she loves him, then runs off to go declare her love more sincerely to someone else. Rohit watches Naina leave and says sadly that he loves her, too.

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