Kal Ho Naa Ho, Part 9

Two cabs stop in front of Naina’s house, and Rohit and some guy in a white tux with a ruffly shirt get out. They bump into each other, and Rohit calls the other guy a waiter, even though he shouldn't make fun of people's clothing while wearing a shirt with a lace-up collar that looks like it came from the Renaissance Fair. Unless he's actually at the Renaissance Fair. They tell each other that they are looking for numbers 29 and 27, then say something in unison that sounds like “Caboose!” but is maybe “Kapoors.”

At Naina’s house, Aman and Gia fence with their silverware. Gia watches sadly as Dadi fawns over Shiv, telling him that he looks like Rakesh Roshan. Next door, Jazz tries to zip up Sweetu’s dress and makes some fat joke that I don’t get about the “BEST Bus.” Maybe the BEST bus looks like Aishwarya Rai’s house? I guess I'll have to go to the bas staap to find out. The doorbell rings in both houses simultaneously. Naina says that it’s Rohit and stands up to get the door, but Dadi insists on answering it. Next door Jazz opens the door and says a flirty “Hel-lo!” to… Rohit, who has brought a bottle of wine and removed some wrist accessories. Meanwhile, Dadi answers the door and greets the guy in the white tux, who was expecting someone younger. Dadi explains that the date’s for her granddaughter, and the tux guy blows her a kiss and says “contribution.”

Jazz flirts with Rohit, then calls for Sweetu, which Rohit assumes is Naina’s nickname and therefore mocks. Next door, white tux guy introduces himself as Guru, and Dadi directs him to the dining room; meanwhile, Rohit wanders around Sweetu’s living room. Jazz returns, puts on some Let’s Have Sex music, and flirts with Rohit, who seems slightly frightened. Guru says that he lives in Jackson Heights and talks about his den in Mumbai, while Jazz sits on Rohit’s lap, compliments his long nose, and asks him what he does for a living. Next door Guru says that he is a video pirate, then extends his fist and says “Video piracy zindabad!” I wonder if that's the Hindi equivalent of “Avast, me video hearties!” Naina accuses him of theft, and Guru gets upset.

Next door, Jazz tries to make her move, but Rohit says that he has to go to the bathroom; coincidentally, Guru also has to go to the bathroom. Rohit throws water on his face and tells himself that everything will be ok, then turns around and bumps into Sweetu; they both scream. So does everyone in Naina’s house, because Guru has a gun. Aman seems excited that someone might get shot, but it turns out it’s just a gun-shaped lighter. Guru says that he’s bailing because Naina is thorny like a cactus. Rohit figures out that Sweetu is Sweetu and not Naina, and tries to leave, but Jazz grabs onto Rohit’s arm and won’t let go, so he reluctantly slaps her hand, which makes the noise of a slide whistle, and runs away. Guru and Rohit run into each other on the sidewalk and figure out what happened, then jump into a passing cab, saying that they will call Naina and Sweetu later.

Aman starts laughing at the mix-up, but Naina is not amused. Aman says that normal people find such situations funny, and Naina asks if he’s saying that she’s not normal. Aman says that if she’s normal, then he’s Sridevi, then does his Sridevi impersonation, which is quite nice. Naina points out that Aman is also not normal, what with the acting like he’s known them for years. Aman says that he’s known them for several lifetimes, then starts poking her. Naina, irritated, tells him to start acting like her neighbor, so Aman honks her nose, says “Ting tong!” and asks for a cup of milk. Naina laughs sarcastically and tells him to take his happy-go-lucky nature and bring it next door, because she isn’t interested. Aman shushes her, then makes a big speech about how she should value the life she has been given, because even though it might look shitty in her eyes, through someone else’s eyes it seems pretty good, and also, kal ho naa ho. Then he tells her that he will teach her how to smile in a simple three-part process. The process is to say “1,2,3, nnnnngggg!” and pretend to pull at the corners of your mouth with a piece of string on 3. Try it, it's fun. He repeats it several times, moving closer and closer into her personal space, until she slaps him away. Then he tells her to keep practicing, says that he’s very sexy, growls, says that Naina’s not his type, and tells her again to practice. Naina runs away.

Naina brushes her teeth in front of the bathroom mirror, as Voiceover Naina says that all night she wondered whether Aman was right. Naina takes the toothbrush out of her mouth and goes “1,2,3, nnnnnnggggg!” at the mirror, but without the sound effects and hand gestures. Cut to Rohit, lying on his bed, who says that of course Naina smiles, like that time when, uhh… Dadi says that Naina will smile at her wedding. Rohit sits in a bathtub next to some grooming products and says, "uhh… " Naina’s mother says that when she was with her father, she smiled. Rohit gets into a cab and says, "uhh…" Guru says that when his big brother threatens her, she will smile. Rohit eats Chinese food, and can’t say "uhh," because his mouth is full.

Part 8 Part 10