Kal Ho Naa Ho, Part 13

As Naina wonders if unhappiness is just around the corner, she walks past Aman and Priya having lunch outside. Priya looks pensive and tells Aman that she needs more time, because the unidentified problem that they are discussing is serious. They have an argument about whether Aman should have come to New York, and Priya repeats that she needs more time, both his time and hers. What would have happened if she only needed her time, but not his? Could they have somehow disrupted the space-time continuum in order to only waste her time? Aman says that he came to New York because of her, and will do what she says. He tells her that his time is hers. But what about if she’s stationary, and he’s traveling at the speed of light?

Crying, Jennifer says that they have to leave the restaurant in two months. Everyone’s there, including Frankie, so apparently Frankie was cool with how Sweetu decided he was her boyfriend five minutes after meeting him. Rohit, wearing another Renaissance Fair shirt, offers to help Jennifer out with the money situation, but Dadi objects to seeking help from a Gujarati. Even a Gujarati from Renaissance times? Naina says that this is a serious problem, and Aman says there’s a simple solution. He stands up so he can go into Inspirational Speech Mode, and rhetorically asks what the restaurant serves that can’t be found anywhere else on their street. Well, there’s the possibility of sex with Jazz. Aman then asks why the Chinese restaurant across the street is doing so well, as a gong sounds and we cut to a shot of a Asian family standing in front of the restaurant and bowing. Shouldn’t they be running the restaurant instead of standing around outside and reinforcing cultural stereotypes? Jazz swears some more at them. Aman says that their Chinese restaurant does so well because they brought their country and culture with them. That’s also why Chili’s does so well. Aman says that they should take advantage of the fact that they are Indian, and bring India to New York. Or at least a sampling of Indian dishes that New York is most likely already familiar with. Naina is skeptical, but Aman says confidently that they must try, because those who try never lose. Really? I would have guessed that a good 65% of those who try lose. They form a huddle, raise their arms, and cheer, “YO!” Wait, what?

Song! As they redecorate the restaurant, everyone sings “Chale Chalo” from Lagaan. I hope next they don’t sing that terrible song with the English lady going, “Oh I’m in love! I am in love! Yes, I’m in loooooooove!” Aman dances around with a rolling pin while Rohit brandishes a pepper mill, then Aman rolls his eyes at Rohit because he’s brandishing a pepper mill, which is clearly more retarded than dancing around with a rolling pin. Everyone steps outside and points defiantly at the Asian family, who look frightened and a bit confused about where all this hostility is coming from. Ooh, samosas! Aman bumps into Naina, and they exchange lingering glances. As the camera shakes, everyone sings about how they’re going to shake things up. Naina takes down the American flag in the window while Rohit checks her out. Frankie replaces the “York” in “Café New York” with “Delhi.” I bet they saved a good four dollars at Kinko’s by printing out just the “Delhi.” Rohit and Naina hang an Indian flag in the window. There seems to be a bit of controversy about which direction the “Please Seat Yourself”/”Please Wait to be Seated” sign should face. “Please Seat Yourself” wins. Yes!

Having changed into nicer clothes, everyone waits to see if customers will arrive. The Asian family watches from across the street, because it’s not like they have a restaurant to run or anything. Moments pass with no one arriving. Jennifer’s face falls, as everyone grows disappointed. It’s okay, guys, I know it’s been a good ten seconds since you opened your restaurant and you still haven’t had a single customer, but I bet you that within the next ten seconds or so, business will totally be booming. Hey, look at that! Aman high fives Jennifer in the bustling restaurant, says “Yo, Jenny!” and gives her a hug while Naina looks on happily.

Naina sits on the couch in Aman’s living room and asks him why he has done all this for them. He says that Naina’s mother’s eyes are full of pain, and that whatever he has done has been for those eyes. He explains that his problem is that he can’t bear to see any mother’s pain, because mothers display everything that is supposed to be in their heart through their eyes. That does sound pretty gross; I can see why Aman wouldn't want to look at that. He cups his heart and says that this is where mothers think from, understand, and love. From the empty cavity where their heart used to be before it got transferred to their eyes? This is all very confusing. He says that mothers also like to eavesdrop on other people’s conversations and start crying. They turn around to look at Aman’s mother, who is eavesdropping from the kitchen, crying from the eyeball-shaped organs that now house her heart. She tells Aman that he’s crazy.

Aman takes off Naina’s glasses and stares at her, repeating her name. Naina blushes and stands up, looking off into the distance. She presses her hand to her cheek and looks overwhelmed. Aman asks her what happened. She says that she can’t see anything. Aman tries on her glasses and asks her if she can see now. Maybe it’ll work if Aman puts the glasses on his chest.

Naina meets Rohit near a train station, and he asks her where the glasses have gone. He comments that she looks pretty and is even smiling, then asks where Naina went, checking behind her to see if she has disappeared up her own ass. Naina tells him to shut up and says that whenever she’s with him, she’s happy. Except that time when she was crying. Naina asks Rohit if it’s ever happened to him that he didn’t like someone at first, then liked them a little, then liked them a lot, then… Rohit asks her then what, but Naina just says “You know,” and gives him the South Asian head nod. Rohit asks her why she’s asking him this, and she says just because, then leaves. Well, that was a completely pointless conversation. As Naina walks away, she smacks herself in the head as a woman sings that something has happened. Rohit also smacks his head as a male voice sings that something surely has happened. These people are all about expressing themselves in the vaguest way possible.

Part 12 Part 14