Kal Ho Naa Ho, Part 19

Aman voiceovers that today, Rohit will tell Naina what’s in his heart. Someone approaches Naina. It’s a guy named Lee, who thanks Naina for her notes and tells us that it’s Day Four. Rohit walks up behind Naina and says hi, but Naina storms away, pissed that he hasn’t been around when she’s most needed a friend. Rohit tells Naina that he’s tired of being a friend, because he gets all of the laughing and all of the crying, but none of the loving. He explains that a very intelligent man once said that the first step to love is friendship, and the last step is also friendship, and that the middle is all that’s left. I think that’s the part with the sex. Rohit tells Naina to take a step and find her path. As he leaves, Rohit says that to do this, he gives her – he looks at his watch – the rest of his life. I guess Rohit’s watch has one of those creepy countdown timers that tells you when you’re going to die on it. As Rohit walks away, Voicover Naina says that she wondered what Rohit meant. Did she also wonder who the “very intelligent man” was? Because that was totally vague. Voiceover Naina says that at that moment, Rohit ceased to be her friend, and became something else. But she doesn’t know what.

A newspaper-reading Wall Street guy tells us that it’s Day Five. Rohit greets Naina, calls her “sweetie,” and kisses her on the cheek in a smarmy yet dorky manner. He gives her a box, which he says contains his heart. Then he gives her the smarmy-dork smile again, blows her a kiss, and walks away. Why are Rohit and Naina always having these thirty-second meetings at scenic locations around the city? You’d think that once they went to the trouble of meeting each other, they’d at least have coffee or something. Naina opens the box, which contains the red dress from before and a bad poem about Rohit’s heart and Subhash Ghai.

Uday Chopra bicycles by and tells us that it’s Day Six. Rohit and Naina hang out in a park, where Rohit recites more poetry and asks Naina to take salsa lessons with him so he will have an item to perform at his parents’ wedding anniversary. He tells Naina that since she’s going to be his life partner, she may as well be his salsa partner. Naina says no. He tells her that he just wants to dance, not enchance. Naina says no again. With lines like these, I’m starting to see why Naina only spends thirty seconds with Rohit at a time. He makes some cute puppy dog faces, and Naina finally gives in. Two seconds after Naina leaves, Aman pops up and praises Rohit’s poetry recitation. Rohit sighs and says that he really loves Naina, and Aman says he loves her too, then pretends that he’s lying. After Rohit leaves, Aman, looking pensive, recites the poem that Rohit was just delivering and pounds his fist against his heart, which has totally screwed him over.

Salsa class. Rohit and Naina suck, then they get better. Meanwhile, Aman stalks them from the second floor balcony. Song! Aman, dressed entirely in white, walks around on a bridge and sings about how life’s always changing. And also the weather. As he stands precariously on the edge of the bridge, he sings that we should live life to the fullest, because tomorrow might never come, especially if we spend a lot of time balancing dangerously close to the edge of bridges. He decides to hang out on the edge of a different bridge and makes some more death-dying expressive gestures. Meanwhile, Rohit and Naina share an apple in the park and then shove each other playfully while wearing subtly color-coordinating clothing. They watch a sunset, then Rohit strangles Naina affectionately.

Aman lurks around invisibly and gazes at Naina while singing that someone who loves Naina with all his heart is the one for her, and that if she meets a person like that, she should take his hand. Well, that’s not helpful at all. Naina’s problem is that she’s met two people who love her with all their hearts, and she prefers one of them, but he is dying and has a pretend wife. As Rohit and Naina wander off to frolic some more in the park, Aman reminds us again about how we’re all going to die. He gazes into the sky, where he can just barely make out a fantasy sequence in the distance.

Aman, dressed in a suit, hangs out in Rohit’s office, then turns down a date with Julia the receptionist on the way out. He hits on the What Not to Wear woman in the elevator, even though she is now married to Rohit. Aman says that he doesn’t mind, then Aman and Rohit edge closer together as the elevator door closes. Aman meets Naina for M.B.A. class, then in class he tries to arrange a three-way with Gita, who seems into it. So basically Aman’s fantasy is that he sets up threesomes with everyone he meets? I didn't realize Aman was such a ho.

Aman meets Naina for an elegant rooftop dinner and sings that if someone should get close to her in the realm of her eyes, she should try a million times to control her crazy heart. AAAAHHH! Sorry, someone just snuck up behind me in the realm of my eyes. As Aman drags a rose between Naina’s breasts, combs her hair with it, then tosses it away, he sings that though she will try to control it, Naina’s heart will continue to beat wildly in the realm of her eyes. Will her pancreas continue to secrete insulin into her Achilles tendon, or can that be brought under control? As he lowers his head to the level of Naina’s chest, Aman sings that this moment may not exist tomorrow, which is why he’s taking such a good, long look at Naina’s breasts right now while he has the chance.

Aman, dressed in white again, sits on another railing and looks at the fountain in Central Park. Then he walks around the fountain in a disappointingly non-death-defying manner while repeating the first verse. Rohit and Naina salsa some more, then Priya finally provides Aman with some actual medical care, an echocardiogram that beats in time with the song. It’s a good thing Aman came to New York for treatment; in India the technology that makes echocardiograms beat in time to popular songs is actually slightly less reliable. Alternating shots of salsa dancing and medical treatment. Priya does very little to hide her horrified expression as she looks at Aman’s EKG readout, but Aman laughs it off, because the song is ending, just like our lives.
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