Main Hoon Na, Part 13

Ms. Chandni, having apparently driven home without incident, given herself a perm, and changed into a sheer, flowy, zebra-print robe, emerges from a hallway. She carries a tray of cotton balls and a bowl of something that looks like milk over to Ram, who is sitting on the bed. Ms. Chandni dips a cotton ball in the milk, dabs Ram’s chest with it, and then blows on his chest. Mmmm, evaporated milk. She confirms that he is in the army and not a student, then dabs his neck and breathes on it. Ram seems pleased with the medical attention he is receiving. Ms. Chandni nuzzles his nose with her nose, tells him “Happy Teachers Day!” then gives him a kiss on the corner of his mouth in celebration of the momentous holiday. Ram says, “Thank you, sir. Uh, ma’m.” They giggle at the thought of some military-style discipline from Ms. Chandni.

Raghavan is in the principal’s office. Perhaps the principal is giving him detention for killing people indiscriminately. Ram knocks and the principal tells him to come in. As Ram takes a seat, Raghavan tells the principal that they should congratulate him on his successful mission. The principal asks if Ram has finally found Lakshman Prasad Sharma, and sinister music suddenly starts playing as Ram watches Raghavan blowing on his tea. OH MY GOD, RAGHAVAN’S GOING TO BURN HIS TONGUE! SAVE HIM, RAM! Uh, sorry, false alarm. Ram says he’s talking about Sanjana Bakshi, Gen. Bakshi’s daughter. Ram stands up and asks the principal if he can make a request, and the principal tells Ram, “Feel free to speak, jawan.” According to the subtitles, “jawan” is Hindi for “Maximus.” Ram tells him that he would like to stay at the college a bit longer, but wants it to be a secret. Raghavan continues to hang out and leaf through some papers. The principal looks pointedly at Raghavan, who says that he is happy to keep a secret. After Ram leaves, Raghavan asks the principal if Lakshman Sharma is Lucky, and the principal nods and explains that Ram is a distant relative, and is trying to track him down.

Raghavan, outside, is on a cell phone. He tells the person on the other end that he has 6 hours to find out what the relationship between Ram and Lakshman Prasad Sharma is. I hope he doesn’t find a video of Ram and Lucky singing “Main Hoon Na,” or he might incorrectly assume that Ram and Lucky are lovers.

Ms. Chandni sits with Ram on her porch and asks him when he’s going to reveal his identity to Mrs. Sharma. Ram says that he wants to, but he is nervous. Cut to Raghavan, who is back at the Terrorist Lair, where he has changed from his smart-looking kurta into an olive green wifebeater and hat, comfort and practicality being paramount when planning vigilante assassination attempts. He flips through the research that his intern has uncovered about Ram and Lucky, which includes a photo of post-haircut Lucky, a picture of Gen. Sharma, his wife, and infant son, and a photo of Gen. Sharma and Ram in uniform. Raghavan figures out that Ram and Lucky are step-brothers, then says, “Sweeet…” in an oddly Cartman-esque tone of voice.

Back to Ms. Chandni and Ram on the porch. Ms. Chandni asks Ram what will happen if Lucky and his Mom find out from someone else that Ram is his stepbrother, and they conclude that Ram has deliberately deceived them. And just how on earth could something like that happen? Ms. Chandni tells Ram that once they know who he is, they’ll love him even more. Because he’ll always remind them of those happy times when their husband and father was having sex with some other chick! Cut to Raghavan, who waves a gun around, tells his men to get ready for action, then sticks his gun down his pants. He says that tomorrow Ram will leave for a long exile.
Part 12 Part 14


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