Main Hoon Na, Part 8

Ram sits at home, dreading the thought of doing his physics homework, when Lucky shows up with the physics assignment in hand. He doesn’t want Ram to tell anyone, except maybe Sanju. Ram asks if that’s because he likes Sanju, but Lucky says no, that when he’s in love, everyone in the college will hear violins. Song!

Someone sashays by, wearing a bright pink salwar kameez. The twins gawk while eating Lays brand potato chips. Lucky blinks in disbelief. Bikes crash. Percy spits out his Pepsi on Not Kal Penn. Wow, Anupam Kher must be looking really hot tonight. Hey, it’s Sanju! A crowd of men follows her, giving themselves whiplash. Violins!

Cut to a bright purple and green set. Ram sits on a staircase and sings with a bunch of extras. Sanju heaves her bosom. Lucky wears tight iridescent pants and impersonates a sprinkler while Sanju dances on top of a lotus flower in a pond. Ram and thirty other guys check out Sanju’s ass. Sanju’s ass goes “Dum tara, dum tara, Dhoooom-aaahh!” Ram gives Sanju’s ass the A-OK. Lucky goes fishing. He catches Sanju’s ass. He reels it in, but faints before he can capture it and fry up some ass pakoras. Sanju stands on the lotus flower again and makes pretty patterns with her hands for the aerial camera. Everyone wiggles their hips as swans float in the foreground. Percy checks out Sanju’s ass. Lucky tells Sanju that his heart is a canoe, and she is a bank with mystique. It’s a good thing she’s got some mystique, otherwise the canoe that is Lucky’s heart would have to find another bank with some mystique and a nice ass, and I bet that would be pretty hard. Ram says “Wicked!” and releases some doves. Everyone checks out Sanju’s ass again. Lucky wears even tighter pants than before and a dog collar. The look of confusion on his face suggests that he has lost control of his pelvic region, which gyrates involuntarily. Ram plays air harmonium.

Ram is bathed in pink light. It is the light of Ms. Chandni’s torso. Chemistry class. The desks explode. Then the chalkboard explodes. Ram should really be wearing his safety goggles. Suddenly everyone is wearing hats and drumming on their lab notebooks. Ram worships Ms. Chandni. Ms. Chandni sticks her boobs out. Back to the set. Confetti explosions. Wicked! Ram sings to Ms. Chandni that his heart is going insane, and she is its only balm. He rubs some balm on his nipple. Ms. Chandni sits on a moon that is lowered down on a wire. Ram waves his arms around and reels in a kite, then he stamps his foot as Ms. Chandni twirls her skirt. He hits himself in the head, then swivels his upper body in a circle, because dum tara, dum tara, dhoooom-aaah! They kiss on the cheek as the dum taras fade out.
Part 7 Part 9


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