3.20.2005

Main Hoon Na, Part 11

Terrorist Lair. Raghavan tells his men that he’s going to the prom. I hope he has his outfit all picked out. Maybe he’ll ask out Ms. Chandni! OMG they would be such a cute couple! He tells them that this time, their plan will work, because he has a transmitter. A transmitter, people!

Back to college. Ram looks embarrassed, and he admits to everyone that he can’t go to the prom because he doesn’t know how to dance. Wait, so all that stuff before with the swans and the dancing and the ass-checking-out didn’t actually happen? They must have been totally wasted if they don't remember that. I guess they had one of those nights where they all had a little too much tequila, and suddenly they were dancing on top of lotus flowers and releasing doves and blowing up desks, and the next day they all woke up, like, “Dude, I’m never drinking again.”

Everyone is shocked that Ram can’t dance, but Lucky tells Ram to show them his moves. Dance montage. Ram does the mime-in-a-box thing, then stirs the pot. He pulls himself along an imaginary rope, then does a strange flamingo-like dance. Now he’s with Lucky, who busts out some hip-hop moves. Tango with Sanju. Dorkiness with Percy, who smacks him upside the head. Something bharatnatyam-ish with Not Kal Penn. Booty-shaking with Lucky. Writhing with Mini. Some Rockette-style kicks with the cheerleaders, who kick him on alternating ass cheeks. Ms. Chandni watches from a nearby window as Ram breakdances. She waves to him and he nearly faints. Salsa with the principal and Mrs. Kakkad, the knitting teacher.

Sanju calls her Dad as Ram gives her the thumbs up. Ram and Lucky adjust each other’s bow ties in their matching black tuxes, and Lucky’s mom takes a picture. Ram tells her “Hasta la vista, baby” and kisses her cheek, while Lucky meekly and very speedily kneels, touches her feet and runs away.

The prom. The men are all in black and the women are all in red. The principal thinks it’s Sports Day. How does he still have a job? Mrs. Kakkad reminds him that it’s “Pormo Night.” Sanju, put down the damn Lays potato chips. The principal tells them that, as usual, there will be no kissing allowed on the dance floor, and adds “especially boys and boys.” Hey, that’s not fair! Well, I guess it is, kind of. I don’t know. Ms. Chandni looks at Ram, who averts his eyes. Sanju suggests that Ram ask Ms. Chandni for a dance, but Ram is afraid. Sanju, Lucky, and Percy tell him that he can’t hang out with them unless he asks her to dance. Percy smacks Ram upside the head again, and they walk away. Raghavan enters and speaks on a transmitter, telling his men that the Major is distracted and they can go ahead. Two men in bowties shoot two guys in a jeep. Blood spatters on the windshield. Time for a song!

“Everybody get down! This party’s going to town!” four guys with moptops, matching pink tuxes, and Buddy Holly glasses sing. Ow! Lucky and Sanju dance and motion for an anxious-looking Ram to join them. Ram sees Ms. Chandni and swoons. He stands up, gets a running start, then slides 20 feet across the dance floor. Nice floor polishing job, custodial staff! Ms. Chandni gasps. Ram takes a deep breath, then blurts out the opening words to the song. “Gori gori gori gori, gori gori...” Everyone cheers! Ram, Lucky and some extras flap their arms around, then do the twist. Now it’s the girls’ turn. Ram and Lucky hop on one foot, do some kicks, then kneel in front of Ms. Chandni and Sanju, who dance around their heads and ruffle their hair as Lucky and Ram wiggle around to the beat and then faint. The principal sings with the band. Tootie Fruity So Rooty! The couples hold hands and dance around in circles. Raghavan wanders around by the drinks table and broods. Don’t be a wallflower, Raghavan, show us those hot dance moves you used to do at the terrorist parties! Everyone runs away from Ms. Kakkad, so she gets down with her bad self. The principal crawls after her. Dancers shimmy from side to side in the background.

Hey, it’s the drummer’s crotch! Lucky and Sanju do Jazz Hands. Sanju dances in a circle around Lucky as he shimmies with a dorky expression on his face. Lucky picks her up and we get an aerial shot of her cleavage as men lie in a circle on the floor and kick their legs together and apart. Ram dances with the women as Ms. Chandni dances with the men, then they slide across the room and dance together. The twins wear white, rather than black or red, because they chafe at the idea of rigidly-defined gender roles. The women dance around the men’s heads again. The band rocks out. Everyone stands in a circle as Ram kneels and does some kicks. Lucky does a backflip. Mini shimmies. Vivek pumps his fists like a dorky dad. Percy sticks his ass out. A woman spins her two braids in opposite directions. Lucky does a split. The principal collapses from exhaustion.

The band leader tells us to get down, because this party’s going to town again. But we just got back from town! Everyone jumps in the air. The principal falls on his ass. Balloons! Slo-mo dancing. Ram and Ms. Chandni fall into each others’ arms and Ram kisses her cheek. Lucky decides to quit smoking for Sanju, and flicks his cigarette away on the middle of the dance floor. Dude, you’re going to light someone’s sari on fire. Ms. Chandni looks intrigued by the kiss and pats Ram on the cheek. Ram wipes his cheek and then smells it. Mmmm, hand smell. Percy and Mini bump into each other, and immediately fall in like. End of slo-mo. Ram runs backwards, then in place, then twists, then comes back to where he started. More big crowd shots. The principal almost slips and falls, but Ms. Kakkad helps him. Ms. Chandni pops Ram’s balloon. Lucky and Sanju dance. Percy macks on Mini, but Vivek grabs him by the collar and punches him.
Part 10 Part 12

1 Comments:

At 12/31/2005 8:43 PM, Blogger Beth said...

And if you look carefully, Ram also does the Hrithik Wiggle from Kaho Na Pyaar Hai. I think it means that I am hopelessly attracted to dorks that I find Ram doing it far sexier than when Hrithik does it.

 

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