Main Hoon Na, Part 6

Ram goes to see Sholay at the Lido with Sanju, Percy, and Not Kal Penn. They split up to buy chips, popcorn and tickets, despite Ram’s protests that they should all stick together, because there’s no reason to buy popcorn when delicious Lay’s brand potato chips are available. An ominous-looking black SUV pulls up nearby and the window rolls down, revealing Khan, who has been ordered to shoot Percy while Sanju is nearby and to record it for Gen. Singh, since Gen. Singh always enjoys a nice documentary. Ram sees a laser pointer dot floating around Percy’s head, and does some Matrix-style moves, tackling Percy and knocking the popcorn to the ground. Thank God it wasn’t the delicious Lays brand potato chips! Ram takes off after the black SUV in a bicycle rickshaw, dodging bullets, pipes, a truck full of bamboo, and an exploding gasoline container. Khan falls out of the SUV and is captured by Ram.

Back at the Terrorist Lair, Raghavan watches the video footage from the pool of standing water and discovers that Ram is protecting Sanjana. He realizes that he will have to take care of Sanju himself, because Ram is “the bloody best.” Meanwhile, Ram interrogates Khan and throws a coffee cup at his face, while Khan talks smack about the Army. Ram tells the guards to interrogate Khan and returns to the college.

Chemistry class. Ms. Chandni asks the students what the atomic weight of calcium is. What have these people been learning? More violins and wind machines. Ram starts singing again, and class ends. Ms. Chandni checks herself out in a reflective surface while Ram hides behind a plant. Song!

Chemistry class on the beach! Ms. Chandni flings her sari around with a crazed smile while Ram strokes his hair and sings about her fragrance. They swing around on a rope while looking sexed up. He tells her that her beauty makes him believe in things like fairies. The rest of the students all seem to be absent from class today. Ram wears a shirt with batwings on the shoulders. Ms. Chandni writhes in front of a waterfall with an orgasm face, then she and Ram writhe together underneath the waterfall in wet coordinated outfits. Now Ms. Chandni sings. I wonder if Ram makes her believe in fairies, too. Back to college, where Ram is following Ms. Chandni, carrying her sari pallu and some flowers while the rest of the college salsa dances around them. Ram admires Ms. Chandni’s reflection in the college bulletin board. Notices indicate that Percy can teach you karate in 7 days, and that lessons are being offered in “ski ballet dancing.” I rush off to get an application to St. Paul’s.

End of song. Lucky catches Ram admiring Ms. Chandni and warns him that it’s a bad idea to fall for a teacher. Lucky notices that the giant fluorescent sign he has posted, advertising “Paying Guest Wanted,” has fallen over, while Ram thinks to himself, “Main hoon na,” because that is the title.
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