Kal Ho Naa Ho, Part 2

Lajjo tells her Saraswati statue that she and her friends Kammo and Vimmo are going to present a song, requested by their neighbor, Chaddha-ji. She mentions that he lives in Queens, just in case Saraswati wants to contact him later. In a shrill voice they sing a song instructing someone named Pritam to come hither, so loudly and poorly that all the basketball players, gospel singers, and bhangra groups in the surrounding neighborhood have to cover their ears. Naina interrupts the singing, yelling for her grandmother to stop. She wants to know what all this Kunwari Kudi business is about, showing her grandmother three pictures, each of a bearded man wearing a turban. Her grandmother says that all 3 are handsome; Naina says she thought they were all pictures of the same guy. Her grandmother says no, it’s three guys, and admires them again. Then she sings the Kunwari Kudi theme song, which is a pretty catchy number about choosing your groom, one, two, or three, hey ow-ow, hey ow-ow, hey ow-ow! Naina says she doesn’t want to marry one, two, or three, but her grandmother wants to know how she will have children. Naina explains that she can still have children without getting married, but not in a lot of detail, because that would just be weird. Her grandmother agrees, then looks startled.

Cut to a TV, showing a basketball game. A kid in pyjamas shouts in a manner that indicates that he is emotionally invested in the outcome. Naina voiceovers that this is her brother, Shiv, a handicap. Not that she lets that define him, or anything. A younger girl in a nightgown, Gia, plays with her dollhouse, showing Naina her doll family. She points out her mother, dressed in blue, Naina, who is a redhead with a bob haircut, Shiv, who is also a redhead, herself, a blonde, and…she points to a doll in a gray salwar kameez and a shawl…Dadi walks in the door and immediately starts fussing over Shiv. When Gia says good morning to her, Dadi blows her off and asks Shiv about his schedule for the day. Gia looks sad as Naina voiceovers that Dadi hates Gia because she’s adopted. Well, that sounds like a perfectly good reason to hate someone that will remain unchanged throughout the rest of the movie. Naina says that Gia always keeps the Dadi doll away from her perfect family, as Gia moves the doll with the salwar kameez from the living room of the dollhouse to an adjacent pink bedroom.

Naina explains that Jesus and Guru Nanak are also doing battle in the house, as we cut from a picture of Guru Nanak to a picture of Jesus across the hallway from it. What would have been cool is if they had shown Jesus and Guru Nanak actually having a swordfight in the hallway or something.

Kitchen table. Shiv puts some coins on the table and tells Naina to bet. Naina tells Shiv not to irritate her, and Shiv calls her a chicken and says it’s just one dollar. The subtitles translate this to “Chicken is just one dollar.” Dadi complains about the cereal they’re eating for breakfast and reminisces about garam garam aloo parathas from Chandigarh. Jennifer tells her that she should go to Chandigarh if she misses it so much, and then they start arguing about who loves the children more and what life would be like if Naina’s father were still alive. Naina tells them to stop fighting, then gives Shiv a dollar, because he’s won the bet, as usual. Maybe Naina should asks for odds.

As Naina leaves the house, she voiceovers that her mornings always begin with a fight between her mother and grandmother, followed by her storming out angrily. As she walks into a Starbucks, Voiceover Naina explains that every morning she then has to listen to her stupid idiotic neighbor Sweetu’s stupid idiotic chatter. Naina voiceovers that Sweetu’s full name is Jasprit Kapoor, and that she is unfortunately Naina’s best friend, as Sweetu orders two glazed donuts and two blueberry muffins for herself because according to the movie she’s a giant disgusting blob of lard-ass. Naina says that Sweetu’s two problems are the weight that she never loses and the fact that she doesn’t care. I think that Sweetu’s main problem is the fact that her best friend is a judgmental bitch.
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